Memo to all Ladies: 'There’s no Such Thing as a Home-Wrecker, Husband Snatcher!!'

A reader ofKevin Djakpor's Blog sent in this:

It always disappoints yet amazes me the number of women who blame and hate on “the other woman”.  Yes, affairs and cheating are heart-breaking, and for most couples, it’s the kiss of death. But it still makes me cringe when I hear the wife or girlfriend screaming at the other woman, blaming her, and asking how could she/he do this!? Don’t they have any respect? What normal person with morals would tempt a husband or wife?  

Though I understand the pain of being cheated on (I’ve been through it myself), and I can understand that in those moments of vulnerability and pain, that we want to lash out at the “other woman”, the bitter truth is that it’s actually got nothing to do with the other woman. 

There is no such thing as a home-wrecker simply because if a third party can enter your
relationship, then your relationship was weak to start off with. There is no such thing as a home-wrecker because if it was all based on that other person ‘tempting’ your partner, or entering your partner’s proximity with bad intentions, then no relationship would ever work out. Men get tempted every second.

Tell me, what exactly is the point of being in an intimate relationship if other people can threaten your position as wife or girlfriend so easily? The problem is that a lot of women fear the apparently more attractive woman having the ability to take their man. Take a look at the brouhaha surrounding Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, Nuella & Tchidi. 

It’s easy for women to look at another woman, and think that her beauty, status and enchanting disposition are a threat. Then the jealousy ensues…..and the controlling behavior surfaces…..and worse still; women start to cause themselves suffering and pain.  

Regardless of whether or not someone like Angelina Jolie or the gorgeous girl next door have bad intentions with your husband or boyfriend, a successful and passionate relationship will thrive and remain strong. 

I understand that a lot of women do get a big rush from seeing if they can steal a man from a woman, and this is not right. I’m not making this behavior OK. However, it’s ultimately about the relationship, and the man you are in a relationship with.

It’s his decision to value the relationship. It’s his perception and values that matter in this situation. As soon as you blame the other woman, not only is this not classy, it completely strips you of your power as a woman. Power to learn and grow and do what’s best for your relationship. 

If you blame a third party for something that is ultimately your own responsibility – your relationship – then all hope is gone. You are supposed to have the power in a relationship, not a third party. Other women are simply not threats and should not be to a loving and passionate relationship where there is a lot of attraction already.  

Conclusion: Know who you are in a relationship with. Do all you can to make yourselves happy and keep your love fresh. For new lovers, don’t get into a relationship with somebody whom you know doesn’t value the relationship as number one and save yourself the heartbreak.